Umm rant...

--trigger warning...idk just if you're easily triggered but idk...eating disorder talk and self harm and mental illness and whatnot then idk...just watch out i guess...if you think you may be triggered then do whatever you think you should do...idk--

--rant warning--

First of all no one pays attention to me
I go ignored
all
the
time
AND DON'T FUCKING SAY YOU DON'T IGNORE ME BECAUSE EVERY FUCKING PERSON I KNOW HAS IGNORED ME OR CUT ME OFF WHILE TALKING BEFORE LIKE IT WAS NOTHING
I AM NOTHING

And why the fuck do all of MY problems somehow turn into OTHERs telling me THIERS and in my weakest times i end up consoling someone ELSE while still feeling WEAK AS SHIT
And no one tries to console me...

YES I AM FUCKING SELFISH GET THE FUCK OVER IT! I WANNA FEEL GOOD! I WANT SOMEONE TO MAKE IT OK AND NO ONE DOES!! THEY TURN TO ME TO MAKE THINGS OK FOR THEM BUT NO ONE MAKES ME FEEL FUCKING OK AND YEAH I AM FUCKING SELFISH SO GET THE FUCK OVER IT! I KNOW EVERY FUCKING ONE OF YOU WANTS TO FEEL OK SO YOU TALK SHIT IF YOU BASH ME FOR WANTING SOMEONE TO JUST HEAR ME OUT AND ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK CAUSE I HAVE GIVEN ALL MY FUCKS TO EVERYONE ELSE AND NO ONE EVEN SAYS THANKS

I hate myself inside out and right again and top to bottom and reverse and the way it is and fuck fuck Fuck Fuck FUCK!

I hate myself! I fucking hate myself! i just can't stand to be around me!

No, i don't do drugs
No, i am not suicidal
No, i do not cut myself anymore
Not to cay i do not still have fucking self harm issues

Yeah, yeah cause the glory behind stopping cutting for idk something stupid like 5 months or some fucking shit but i pick at my skin INSANLY when i need to cut
I have fucking scabs on my arms from picking

Not to mention my scars are just horrendous
on my thighs
and shoulders

I am a fucking piece of shit!

Oh oh and to make shit better my mind is 100% fucked and i either starve myself or fucking binge! And if i fucking binge then my mind says purge BUT I FUCKING CAN'T SO I EITHER BINGE OR STARVE AGAIN
Cause i can't make myself throw up and idk why and some of you will say that's a good thing BUT THE VOICES NEVER FUCKING STOP

No, this is not about weight
It started as control
but it turned into coping

Wanting to disapear so bad and be in control so bad that things just...IDFK

THE VOICES NEVER FUCKING STOP
THEY ARE ALWAYS TELLING ME SHIT
THEY ALWAYS TELL ME WHAT A FUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT I AM
AND DON'T SAY IT'S BULLSHIT
AND DON'T TELL ME TO IGNORE IT
CAUSE THE MORE I IGNORE IT
THE LOUDER IT FUCKING YELLS
DAY IN AND DAY FUCKING OUT HOW WORTHLESS I AM

YEAH I WENT TO FUCKING THERAPY FOR DEPRESSION AND FUCK BUT IT DID SHIT
IT SHOWED ME HOW TO COMPRESS IT LONGER

I HATE MYSELF
AND DON'T EVEN TRY TO CONVINCE ME NOT TO BECAUSE I DO
I HAVE NO CLUE WHY I AM EVEN HERE AT ALL BECAUSE I SERVE NO PURPOSE

I AM NOTHING
I AM BROKEN

...i hate myself...