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My mum used to be a seamstress who worked from home but then she got a new job helping out at a babysitting service so now she works the regular 8-5 and so does Dad so now the house is empty between then (school starts tomorrow here)
and so i got up and they both were at work so i kinda wandered the house a bit like i usually do when i am home alone (seriously, i don't look for anything or do anything, i just walk up and down the stairs and hallways and in and out of rooms aimlessly, it's odd)
and anywho i started messing on my computer and Tumblr and here and whatnot but then activity on Tumblr and DA got really really slow and I WAS talking to
but she had to go and i GOT REALLY bored so i scrolled through some cosplay sites and laugh at the prices (half the stiff is like $50+ and i can make it for $15 not even, sometimes i don't even need to buy anything cause i have the materials at home) so i came to cosplay shirt of Makoto Tachibana's from the end theme of Free (this oneimage.cosplayfu.com/b/Makoto-T… ) and it was like idk $50+tax+S&H and it was stationed across the ocean somewhere in that mass of land of Asia and Europe and so that woulda been a fortune and i LOVE painting t-shirts it is SO MUCH FUN but i got out of it a bit to work on other mediums of my art and get better at that so i had a blank white shirt laying around Soooooo i started painting it and it looks PERFECT (The paint bled a little but i touched it up)
I am gonna wear it to school tomorrow xD
I am also on the look out for a blank white sports jacket for cheap so i can make an Iwatobi Swim Club jacket ^^
I have the hair for a Makoto cosplay so why the hell not LOL
and so i got up and they both were at work so i kinda wandered the house a bit like i usually do when i am home alone (seriously, i don't look for anything or do anything, i just walk up and down the stairs and hallways and in and out of rooms aimlessly, it's odd)
and anywho i started messing on my computer and Tumblr and here and whatnot but then activity on Tumblr and DA got really really slow and I WAS talking to
but she had to go and i GOT REALLY bored so i scrolled through some cosplay sites and laugh at the prices (half the stiff is like $50+ and i can make it for $15 not even, sometimes i don't even need to buy anything cause i have the materials at home) so i came to cosplay shirt of Makoto Tachibana's from the end theme of Free (this oneimage.cosplayfu.com/b/Makoto-T… ) and it was like idk $50+tax+S&H and it was stationed across the ocean somewhere in that mass of land of Asia and Europe and so that woulda been a fortune and i LOVE painting t-shirts it is SO MUCH FUN but i got out of it a bit to work on other mediums of my art and get better at that so i had a blank white shirt laying around Soooooo i started painting it and it looks PERFECT (The paint bled a little but i touched it up)I am gonna wear it to school tomorrow xD
I am also on the look out for a blank white sports jacket for cheap so i can make an Iwatobi Swim Club jacket ^^
I have the hair for a Makoto cosplay so why the hell not LOL
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It's almost midnight. I work tomorrow, I cant afford to not sleep but here I am I guess Idk what it is, the heat...being over tired...being burnt out... But I can't seem to get my brain to shut off. Im tired enough, I'm exhausted, but the second I got in bed I can't sleep Every car that passes by scares the shit out of me. It's a busy road so cars aren't unusual but they're freaking me out tonight, especially if they slow down. I have tried to sleep, but I just keep staring at the wall, like I'm expecting something bad to happen at any second. You know the anticipation before a fire drill at school? It's that. Like I'm waiting for something but idk when it's going to happen I'm paranoid tonight. Really paranoid. Maybe it's too much true crime who knows I've always had bad nights, though, as long as I can remember The vast majority are fine, nothing notable, but when I have a bad night it's pretty bad. I see things in the shadows, I get paranoid, I nearly jump out of my
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It’s funny how quickly mood can change. I was doing actually pretty good on Thursday. That didn’t last long. I’m back in depression. something big happened at work, I’ve been working towards for a few years…and then something happened that made me totally feel like I don’t deserve it. this might be imposter syndrome or depression, but I feel like I’m tricking everyone into thinking I’m good at my job. It’s like every other task I fuck up royally and I don’t know how to fix it. i second guess my career choice every other fucking day and it sucks. I know at one point I loved my job. That’s depression I guess. also funny how self aware about this I can be and yet we’re still here. Still stuck in this rut. I don’t even know howmto start climbing out
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It’s funny how quickly mood can change. I was doing actually pretty good on Thursday. That didn’t last long. I’m back in depression. something big happened at work, I’ve been working towards for a few years…and then something happened that made me totally feel like I don’t deserve it. this might be imposter syndrome or depression, but I feel like I’m tricking everyone into thinking I’m good at my job. It’s like every other task I fuck up royally and I don’t know how to fix it. i second guess my career choice every other fucking day and it sucks. I know at one point I loved my job. That’s depression I guess. also funny how self aware about this I can be and yet we’re still here. Still stuck in this rut. I don’t even know howmto start climbing out
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today I am piloting a vessel. I don’t feel much claim to this body. It’s doing what I want it to but i don’t exactly know if im telling it to do that or not. It feels like it’s own entity I’m the world that coexists alongside me. I wouldn’t necessarily mind this if not for the expectation of reality which is feeling connected to your body. i wont do anything, this vessel gets me from point a to point b, it’s in my best interest to maintain it, it just doesn’t feel like We are one person, but two objects put together. I thought I’d start feeling better today. Idk why, it’s been a few days since i started feeling low I guess, and I thought I’d start to be on the rise again. im not it’s more of a jagged path down. Idk where it ends I feel like a panic attack is coming. I’ve never had panic attacks before the pandemic. and then I had 3 last year around may and June. I had another one a few months ago. the fear of experiencing that again is almost enough to send me into one
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UGH EVERYONE HAS WATCHED FREE! SWORD ART ONLINE AND ATTACK ON TITAIN EXCEPT FOR ME!!!! The three big animes of the summer and now summers over and I haven't watched any of them!!! Sigh.
BTW I made a post about Trigun on Tumblr and it took me like 40 minutes to write on Tumblr because Tumblr is a laggy asshat and on DA the same post woukd've taken like five minutes!!!